Interview with a Sith 43 - DARTH VADER
by scottivan
Summary: Have you ever wanted to interview a sith lord outside of the dark side?


**This morning, I interviewed Darth Vader, the 3rd apprentice of Darth Sidious.**  
**(41 BBY - 4 ABY)**

**INTERVIEWER** \- Good morning, Lord Vader. Thank you for agreeing to meet with me.  
I have several questions which I would like to ask, with your permission.

**DARTH VADER** \- Since Emperor Palpatine feels that I need some lessons in public relations,  
I suppose that I should take a few questions.

**INTERVIEWER** \- Thank you kindly, my lord. How do you feel about your master in the  
sith arts, Darth Sidious, or Emperor Palpatine as he is publicly known as?

**DARTH VADER** \- How do you know that the Emperor is Darth Sidious? That information was  
never made public knowledge? I may have to kill you.

**INTERVIEWER** \- I talked to Lord Sidious about ten months ago. Nice old man. He speaks very  
highly of you, my lord.

**DARTH VADER** \- Very well. My training in the sith arts is proceeding as scheduled. With his help,  
I am learning what it means to be sith.

**INTERVIEWER** \- Emperor Palpatine has a rather extensive collection of sith holocrons, used for  
thousands of years by sith lords to teach future generations of sith like yourself. Does your master  
ever give you access to any of the holocrons in his collection?

**DARTH VADER** \- I have accessed a few. I have learned quite a bit from them.

**INTERVIEWER** \- How do you feel now that the Emperor's first apprentice, the former Darth Maul,  
has returned, apparently surviving his encounter with your previous master, Obi-Wan Kenobi?  
Mr. Maul is currently the head of the Crimson Dawn Crime Syndicate.

**DARTH VADER** \- The Emperor has decreed that as long as Crimson Dawn is not a threat to the  
empire, he is content to let him live in peace. However, should Crimson Dawn ever become a  
threat to the security of the empire, then I will be forced to eliminate him.

**INTERVIEWER** \- Vader verses Maul, kaggath style. That would be an interesting fight for the ages.  
If it comes down to strength and sheer brutality, then my money is on you; no question. If however,  
it comes down to who has more skill in the dark side, then he may have the advantage. Remember,  
you were just a child when you first encountered Lord Maul. He was already well established as a  
sith lord. Since that time, he has had over thirty years to grow in power. If you ever face him,  
please do not underestimate him.

**DARTH VADER** \- It would be unwise of Mr. Maul to underestimate me. That would be a fatal error  
on his part. It will be his last mistake.

**INTERVIEWER** \- Subject change. Let's talk about you. Do you enjoy any favorite foods?

**DARTH VADER** \- Do to the restrictions of this helmet/mask combination, I do not usually eat.  
Most of my nutritional needs are taken intravenously. On rare occasions, I do enjoy honey roasted  
gapanga fruit from Lorrd in the Kanz Sector of the Outer Rim Territories. I have to take my helmet  
off for a brief time, however.

**INTERVIEWER** \- Do you enjoy traveling the galaxy? Have you ever taken a vacation?

**DARTH VADER** \- I have never taken a vacation. As a child, I was a slave on Tatooine. I was forced  
to work for a giant flying bug named Watto. The rest of my life's story is unimportant. I do not like  
to talk about it.

**INTERVIEWER** \- As you wish, Lord Vader. Who would be your favorite sith lord from the past?

**DARTH VADER** \- I favor Darth Malgus. I believe that I have much in common with Lord Malgus.  
I would also have liked to have met Darth Plagueis the Wise. Lord Sidious tells me stories about him.

**INTERVIEWER** \- You may be interested to know that he once saw you. Many decades ago, when you  
first came to Coruscant, he was in one of the nearby towers, watching from above when you landed,  
along with Qui-Gon Jinn, Jar Jar Binks, and Queen Padmé Amidala. Ask Lord Sidious about Hego Damask.

**DARTH VADER** \- Who is Hego Damask?

**INTERVIEWER** \- Darth Plagueis. Like the birth name of Lord Sidious is Sheev Palpatine, the birth name  
of Darth Plagueis is Hego Damask. He was the Magister of the InterGalactic Banking Clan. His apprentice  
was your master, Darth Sidious.

**DARTH VADER** \- Interesting. I have some questions for Emperor Palpatine.

**INTERVIEWER** \- What is your ideal method of relaxation?

**DARTH VADER** \- I never relax. Relaxation leads to failure. I never let my guard down.

**INTERVIEWER** \- One final question, if I may. How do you feel about sand?

**DARTH VADER** \- I still hate it. It clogs up my cybernetic legs.

**INTERVIEWER** \- Thank you for your time, Darth Anakin.

**DARTH VADER** \- Anakin died over a decade ago. Good riddance to the spoiled, self centered brat.


End file.
